I do not know exactly how old I was when I had this experience, but everything happened in our new home, so I must have been 11 years old, at least.
On that day I left my flat on the first floor when, all of a sudden, I heard a voice behind me. I quickly turned around but there was nobody. I cannot recall the exact words, but the voice said, in effect, that the quality of my world that I knew of was nothing compared to the one that he would be able to show me. “Nonsense” I said to myself and started to run down the stairs to the basement in a boisterous and cheerful way. There were only a few steps left when I jumped up high knocking my head against the ceiling.
The impact of this blow sent me down on my knees and I quickly passed out. I fell into a deep blackness. I remember going through a kind of black hose. At the end of it, I felt being drawn back by a mysterious force, but I resisted because I did not want to go back through that black hose again. I went forward and suddenly I found myself in a grey space.
I did not know where I was, and, looking around, I saw in some distance someone slowly coming towards me. Actually, I did not see this figure at all because there was nothing to look at. However, I sensed a grey figure being there. I definitely knew that there was someone. I said: “I have lost my way. Could you please show me the right way back?”
The next thing I knew was that I was lying on the basement floor.
I heard this extremely uncomfortable ringing noise, which gradually became more and more intense. Then the noise stopped, and, all of a sudden, I realized that a white, gauze-like material was very slowly oozing out of my head.
It took on the shape of a very long stocking and floated at a slight angle right above me. I became very embarrassed, because I did not want to be seen by anyone with this material coming out of me. Meanwhile, more and more of this gauze-like material was collecting itself under the ceiling and I could not do anything to stop it.
I did not feel any pain whatsoever in this process.
Suddenly it dawned on me that I was out of my body. It must have happened the moment this oozing stopped.
I saw a body lying on the floor, which could only belong to me.
I was shivering and I quickly wanted to return to my body and its warmth when I heard someone say:” Stop! Before going back, see what it is like outside!” However, I did not pay any attention to the voice. Although I could not see any physical body but my own, this voice was quite near. Then I heard it again, this time it was begging me very earnestly. ”Please, do not go back, I beseech you. Why do you not want to discover your new faculties first? You may still go back if you do not like them.”
I hesitated. After all, this voice was right. Why shouldn’t I give it a try? On that the voice said quickly:” Test your mind! If you do you will discover that you can think in a way you have never experienced before.”
The voice was right again. I could think very lucidly indeed, and I was able to understand very quickly with a directness that did not leave a trace of doubt.
Then I heard the voice again:” If you are willing to stay outside of your body, you will make a wonderful journey and you will see many interesting things. However, you must decide quickly! So hurry up!”
Eventually I began to consider the whole situation. It was really up to me whether I wanted to return to my body and live the life on Earth with all its limitations and with all its joy or to stay outside in this condition of clear thinking. The voice again urged me to hurry up and to tell him whether I had made up my mind.
I gave in. I decided to stay outside and I instantly realized that my body had to die, meaning total destruction by decay. I thought to myself:” How sad for my mother!”
As for me, I did not feel any regrets, because my body was now only a wrapper to me, a burden of which I freed myself the moment I had decided to stay outside.
Presently I realized that I was able to move freely about in a way I had never experienced before. I was floating right through the walls of our house and up into the sky. In the distance, I saw a great shining ball, which was the sun.
I felt irresistibly attracted to it by its brightness and I wanted to go right into it. No sooner had I thought this when I hit something that catapulted me far out into blackness.
I tried once more, but it all happened again. I quickly learned that there had to be an invisible barrier that I could only approach but not overcome.
I had another go and this time I stopped right in front of this barrier in order to watch the sun, which was now shining in a reddish glow. Its size was relatively small because I had to look at it from a distance, which was determined by this invisible barrier. Nevertheless, the reddish glow of the sun did not satisfy me at all. Suddenly the voice said:” There are more lights!”
As I was looking around, I saw in the distance a multitude of other lights, which shone much brighter than the Earth’s sun. I wanted to be with those lights!
Although they were far, far away, I could reach them in an instant. However, each individual light had its own effective barrier that knocked me off into the blackness again every time I tried to approach it.
Getting in contact with these barriers was very unpleasant, because every time I touched them, my whole being was violently shaken.
All of a sudden, the voice said:” Look for a single, bright light and approach it slowly.”
I chose an individual light whose brightness was much greater than all the other lights around it and I approached it very carefully. I saw a huge ball burning incredibly bright.
The voice told me that it was one of the many stars that I was able to see from the Earth.
I was watching this ball for quite a long time until I could not look at it any longer.
Therefore, I withdrew into the blackness again. I began to consider my situation. I could not stay in that blackness forever. There must be a way out.
I looked around and I saw another cluster of stars that was strangely twisted. I wanted to go there but I heard the voice say:” They are all alike. Go up!” I did not know where up was, but tried all the same - with success, because I saw very far away, over the blackness, a shimmering line. I wanted to go there in spite of that incredibly long distance, but I only wanted to go to the edge of this line, because I did not know whether it had a barrier or not.
I covered the distance instantly. This time there was no barrier that would repel me.
The light came from another world. (While our world is black -with lights in it - this other world is bright).
However, I could not enter this world. I was moving around in every direction trying to figure out a passageway to this world. I soon realized that there was only one possibility: Hurling myself down this black abyss that lay right in front of me. I hesitated.
I did not have the courage to jump. But, suddenly, I heard the voice again:” There is no other way! You will have to jump! Jump! Jump!”. Then I jumped.
I do not know what happened next, but I do remember very vividly that I suddenly found myself moving at a tremendous speed through a tunnel of blackness. I had entered this tunnel headfirst. My whole being was in a kind of a cylinder or pipe and I shot through this tunnel like a capsule in the tubes of a pneumatic post.
I was moving faster and faster, until I was ejected far into this new universe. The blackness was instantly substituted by a sort of dim brightness (if I may say so).
I tumbled over myself several times very vehemently until I felt being slowed down by this new world. I remember thinking:" Why are they treating me so rough?” when I felt this new world closing in on me while simultaneously the old world was retreating until I was completely taken up by this new world.
While being ejected I heard the voice shout at me:” This is your world! You do not belong to us! You have to remain in this world! Don’t you ever try to come back?”
I turned around and I saw a piece of the black world, which I must have trailed behind me while being ejected, withdraw to the opening where it was finally sucked up.
The moment the old world was shut out, I was immediately taken up by the new one, so much so, that I was thoroughly convinced that I could only further exist in this new world. I had no choice anyway. The black world was gone. I was now an inseparable part of this new world.
I thought to myself:” This scoundrel of a voice! He has betrayed me by forcing me into this world. There is no way back! This is final! Hopefully, I will be able to breathe and not suffocate to death.”
Therefore, I tried to breathe, but I soon found out that no breathing was necessary. I simply could exist. As long as I was in the black world, I had never thought about breathing.
As I said earlier, everything around me was dimly bright. Although it was bright, I could not see clearly. The impact of the finality of the condition I was in was overwhelming.
Although I felt being part of this new world I did not know anything about it. I felt utterly alone, betrayed, very tiny and insignificant. No other soul far and wide. I started wailing about my situation. I did not know what to do. I felt very miserable.
All right, I was able to move freely wherever I wanted to go. However, where should I go?
No one was there! No one?
Nevertheless, there were voices very far away! In fact, I heard two voices. I could hear them say, in complete disbelief, something like that,” Look, look, there is a little soul! Look there is a young soul! What is he doing here? How did he come here?”.
Voices in this world were actually no voices at all. Something was thought and I immediately understood what they were talking about. What I am reporting now are impressions and not the meaning of actual words. These impressions were, however, so clear that I had no doubts whatsoever.
I continued complaining that I would not know anyone in this bright world and that I had been forced to come there. The voices drew nearer. However, I could not see anybody. I simply sensed their presence, which was very fine with me. I now knew that there were beings in that world with whom I was able to communicate. Beings, however, that were simultaneously strangers, but friendly ones.
The beings urged me to go back where I had come from. I thought this very ridiculous being now a part of this new world. Moreover, even if I really wanted to go back, which was impossible, how should I proceed? In addition, even if I did succeed in finding my way back, I would not have the slightest idea where my native world, Earth, lay. Then I sensed that they wanted to force me out of this world. I became very upset and I thought:“ No one can force me to leave this world. I have a right to stay here, because I am a part of it.
The two beings must have understood what I was thinking, because I could not sense their voices any longer. Then, one of the beings guided me (I do not know how) to a place that I had not seen before. The other one must have gone away calling for assistance in attempting to find the right approach of how a situation like that should be handled.
This place turned out to be a meadow with many flowers in it. It was a wonderful meadow, but I knew that it was only an image of a meadow, somehow conjured up and suspended in this new world. The being asked me to play on the meadow, but I could not. I simply did not know how.
All of a sudden, I was aware of a tiny bright light far away in the "sky" but rapidly coming nearer and nearer. It was shaped like a ball and it was indescribably bright. I tried to shade my eyes, but I did not need to. Despite its incredible brightness and brilliance, it did not dazzle me a bit!
Presently, this light stopped at a distance right above me. It was a sun about the same size as the sun of our world, but it was indescribably brighter. I kept staring at this sun wondering how a light could possess such brilliance. (The brightness of the lights in the black world was brilliant, too, but of a different nature).
Suddenly I realized that it was scrutinizing me very closely. On that, it opened up, and a beam came pouring down on me, and I heard it shouting at me:" I can destroy you if you do not tell the truth about your being here!" I answered:" But I do not know anything else but the truth!"
Then something happened that I would never, never forget. Love, pure, utter love came pouring down on me along with incredible warmth. My whole soul or being was immersed in this love. He lifted me up and gave me a kiss on my mouth. This being of light loved me deeply, infinitely deeply, and more and more intensively. I was happy! I could have stayed in this beam of love forever. If my story had been a lie, the being of light would have annihilated me. I had a clear conscience anyway, so there was no reason to fear anything.
Gradually the loving became weaker and I felt that something was wrong with me - something that made it very difficult for the light to continue with his love. He was trying not to tell me why. Finally, however, he was not able to keep it up any longer and he quickly said:" You have a smelly breath" and "You need a bath".
I received the impression that I would have to take a bath similar to that I was used to on Earth, but by dipping the whole body. It was made plain to me that this process was going to be unpleasant, but I could stop it when it became too painful for me to bear.
Although I could not comprehend the reason, I was willing to do what the being of light wanted me to do. I was lifted up and put into a red light. I closed my eyes. I could not feel anything. I did not know for how long I had been in this state. After some time, however, I realized that I was being tossed about rather rigorously. It was like being in a washing machine. I cried:" I think that is enough!"
Immediately, I was lowered down and the love and the warmth were switched off, but I still remained in this beam (or sphere).
Suddenly the sun disappeared and I saw a moon. I was in a different world. Everything was black but the moon, which was right in front of me. It was much clearer and more refulgent than the moon in our world. There was not a trace of blackness in it. The moon was surrounded by a wreath of little, bright stars. I kept staring at this shiny moon when suddenly I felt a strange sensation entering through my left eye and spreading into the deepest recesses of my brain. I was wondering about the fact that I could distinctly see the moon with my left eye that had always been weaker than my right one and I suddenly realized that right in front of me were all the answers to any questions we might have on Earth. I got very excited about this and I tried to locate the place about which I wanted to tell our scientists on Earth that they should come and see this extraordinary place.
I tried to pinpoint this place by looking at the left side of the moon and counting the little bright stars. However, in doing so I realized that they were not stars but in turn little moons.
Again, I was looking at the left side of the moon and the more I was looking the more little moons were coming up in a straight line, one little moon after the other. There was no hope of locating this place. Then I began to feel cold and I was shivering. I remembered the sun of our world, its warmth that sometimes may have been too hot but, overall, it was life-giving warmth. I desperately wanted to return to the bright, living sun. Only then did I realize that I was looking at the moon with my left eye while my right eye was closed. I wanted to open my right eye to see the sun again but I was not able to.
I wanted to leave the moon, which I was no longer interested in. I wanted to go back to the bright, living sun. I tried very hard but in vain, I even felt an extremely unpleasant pain in my head. All of a sudden, however, the moon with its black surroundings disappeared and I saw this incredible bright sun again.
Suddenly the sun started to move backwards changing its colours to a deep dark red. It kept moving back into the sky until it was a very tiny red light. (Like a point). Then it began to move very quickly. At one time I saw the bright sun on the left side and then the red sun on the right side, dancing, as it were, from left to right and from right to left.
I felt that the sun wanted to communicate with me. I thought to myself that up here the suns cannot speak but just move about and that this was their way of talking.
Then it stood still and I saw the bright sun in front of the tiny red sun. Nevertheless, I could not make out what this was all about. I regarded the whole spectacle more as a funny and entertaining act than anything else. However, it was not funny at all. I suddenly felt that I should be transferred back into the world with the shiny moon and I remembered the unpleasant pain and the cold that I had encountered there.
Suddenly I realized that the bright sun in front of me was the shiny moon and that the red sun had the moon safely under control making in fact one sun. This was the message that the sun had wanted to get across.
Then the being of light wanted to talk to me on a man-to-man basis.
He placed me on top of a high mountain where I had to sit on a large piece of rock.
I asked him why he had wanted to destroy me, and he told me that there existed also evil but very powerful and cunning beings who were his enemies with whom he had been constantly fighting. He also told me that I had to warn my world against them, and I automatically nodded in agreement. He said that his enemies had wanted to play a trick on him by using me as a kind of trap, but he had to defend this world and the black one. His world, however, would be much easier for him to defend, because the evil beings had no power in it and he had no power in the black world.
I realized having been positioned in such a way that I was able to overlook a huge stretch of clouds that were marvellously illuminated from below. Suddenly a flash of lightning whose intense light was much greater than that of the bright world, forced me to look up. Then a big bang followed, but I was totally unperturbed. At the horizon, I saw smoke bulging out of the clouds and gradually taking on the shape of a mushroom. It grew larger and larger and brighter and brighter. I was in complete awe.
Suddenly everything was gone. I heard the light call:" Look here!" I turned around, and I heard screams and I saw fire and smoke almost surrounding me. I did not comprehend what this was all about, when suddenly the light cried:" I will do everything in my power to prevent this from happening!" Then everything was over.
Again, the bright light wanted to talk about his enemies. However, I was still very impressed with what had just happened. So I thought to myself:"Oh no, not again!"
However, the light made me aware of the fact that this war had been going on for a very long time, and the evil beings had become more and more powerful, and if this continued he would not see any means of preventing them from taking over everything. He said that if the enemy had really succeeded in coming into his world, the war would have been lost. He would have been powerful enough, no doubt, to fight them off, but the war would have been lost in the long run. He was really afraid of loosing this war.
Then it was intimated to me that he needed help. I wanted to help him, and I replied:" Yes, but how?" He answered that the only way I could help him was by going back and telling my world what had happened to me.
I was completely shocked to hear him say so, because I did not want to go back. I was so depressed that I almost started to cry.
All of a sudden he asked:” Would you like to know what will become of you later on in your life?” I looked up and answered cheerfully: “Yes, I would love to".
He said:" You will become a teacher." To a certain extent I was disappointed and repeated:" A teacher? “ He said:" Imagine a teacher in your world and show me what it is like being one."
I imagined, quite vividly, a teacher who was standing in front of his pupils giving lessons. The light said: “No, not that kind of teacher." I was then thinking of a university professor lecturing to his students. The light said :" Not that kind of teacher. You are going to teach the university teachers!".
I was surprised and almost could not believe it. Besides, I considered this quite difficult. I imagined a map of my world, and I saw myself in future life going from place to place, from university to university teaching the university teachers of my world.
But the light said:" No, not like that. They will come to you!". I asked:" To my house?" and he said:" Yes, imagine such a situation." I imagined our house on Earth, our living room, and I saw myself sitting on a chair opposite a stern-looking, respectable professor, trying to teach him. However, I failed. I was too embarrassed and too shy. I said:" I do not think I am clever enough to do this. Moreover, I have a speech impediment". He answered:" You will become a new type of teacher and I am going to explain it to you in a moment".
He then paused, and I looked up and saw myself lying on a hospital bed that was being pushed down a very long corridor by a member of the medical staff. I asked, slightly alarmed:”Am I being ill?". The light said:" No! Just a little bit confused. You will be taken to hospital where you will get a shot and fall into a very deep sleep". I was not worried any more, and the light said:" But let me explain this new type of teacher. You are going to teach while being in a sort of sleep. However, it will not be the kind of sleep that you know of. While being asleep, you will be able to hear and talk, and they will come to you and ask you questions".
I was deeply impressed, but also worried. So I asked:" Will I feel pain in this process?". He answered:"No, it will not hurt you".
I gradually became accustomed to the idea of becoming a teacher. So I asked:" Will they also learn their lessons?". He made a suggestive face, meaning that he was not sure about that. I asked him another question:" Will I also teach them when I am awake?". He answered:" No, you will certainly speak to them when you are awake. But what you say while being asleep will be of much more importance".
And he showed me a room in which I saw myself sitting on a chair talking to someone. I actually did not see myself neither did I see the person to whom I was speaking. Nevertheless, I definitely knew that it was I, because I was now in that room looking about. I saw a low table, books on the walls, two windows, and drapes that were moving in front of a window by a slight draught of wind.
Suddenly the room disappeared and the light said:" Before doing this, you will have to write down everything that has happened to you. Every detail of it. You will have to make a scientific report".
I said:" Of course". And the light said:" But I am afraid you will have forgotten everything". I shook my head in disbelief. But he said:" You cannot even tell me now how you came here". I could not belief him and tried to remember what had happened on Earth. However, to my great surprise, I was not able to do so. The light said:" Do not worry. A book will help you. In fact, there will be two books, but the first one will be more important. Besides, you will have many books".
Suddenly the light became quite enthusiastic and said that I was to be the first teacher of this new type, and there would be a lot more to come. I was disappointed to hear him say so. Nevertheless, the light wanted to show what it meant being the first. He asked:" What do you think? How many people are there in your world?” I tentatively said:" 40 millions may be?" He said:" No, many more. You must not only think of those who are alive. Take into account all the human beings that are dead and you will have a huge number of people. Let us go back in time, as far back as possible, and tell me how far back we should go". I suggested:" Middle Ages". "No, farther back". "The birth of Christ". " No, farther back". I was thinking hard. "Adam and Eve". "No, not that. Go farther back in time and think of what you have learned in your history lessons".
I was thinking for some time. Eventually I blurted out "Stone Age".
He was disappointed, and he said:" You should have known better, but I think Stone Age will do".
He then told me that in that age there were not many people living on Earth. However, they were free to walk wherever they wanted to go, and that there were no borders that would keep them from roaming about. I said:" How beautiful". I was imagining a map of Europe, which I had seen in my Atlas, with all its borders.
I did not have much time to think about all this, because, all of a sudden, I saw human beings back on Earth.
I was looking down on a group of people, men and women, who were dressed in furs, sitting around a campfire. I could see a woman with her baby on her back, and a man who was standing in front of the group obviously making a speech. Another man stood a little apart. All of a sudden, I heard a loud cry of disappointment, and the guttural voice of the man in front of the group of people. I did not understand what he was saying. The scene disappeared and the light said:" I am going to translate for you, but you must concentrate very hard". I certainly wanted to do so, because I was eager to hear what this man was talking about. Therefore, I started to concentrate. "You call this concentration?" the light exclaimed. "You have to concentrate much harder!"
I was amazed to hear him say so, because I considered my first attempt quite satisfactory. Nevertheless, he wanted me to do better. The light said:" Let’s have another go!" I closed my eyes and began concentrating extremely hard. However, the light was not in the least satisfied. He said:" I think it is useless". However, suddenly the tone of his voice became very gentle and he came close to me and said tenderly:"The reason for my asking you to concentrate so hard is that, later on, you should be able to tell everything as accurately as possible. So you need to concentrate like you have never done before on what this man is going to say".
And he added in a different voice that betrayed his disappointment:" This is a final attempt. If you fail this time, it will be no use trying any longer!". I was determined to do my best. I closed my eyes again and tried as hard as I could to listen to what I was supposed to hear. All of a sudden, I was able to understand what the man was saying. He said:" Now we have proof. You have just heard for yourselves. What we have been suspecting is true. He who took on the difficult task of making such a dangerous journey has just returned and confirmed our suspicion. They want to resist us. However, we will not put up with that. I have told you again and again. Now the time has come to fight them. We must not wait until they have become stronger. They are still weak now. It is true. Nevertheless, think of the future! We will have to attack them now".
He was addressing the group of people in a very impressive manner. I was completely impressed and I could understand very well why he was forced to attack his enemies. But suddenly I heard this other man, who was standing apart, say:" I am primarily a hunter and fight the animals. I am not going to fight weaklings who start running away the very moment they catch sight of us. Every hunter would hurt his pride and honour if he did such a thing. We hunters fight the animals, which are by far more dangerous. Many brave hunters have hurt themselves in their fights. Nevertheless, we are prepared and willing to take the risk because we are hunters. I will never fight those weaklings".
As for me, I could not get along with what he was saying. After all, one had to fight one’s enemies. I could not understand that it should be more honourable to fight animals than people. However, I could not go on contemplating such things, because my eyes were forced to the ground that gradually began to move. At first slowly, but then faster and faster until I was no longer able to distinguish any details. The movement suddenly came to a halt. I saw grassland in front of me and in the distance there was the edge of a forest with very high trees. Suddenly, I was placed in the woods. Although I could not see anything, I knew that I was in this forest, that is, right in the middle of a village. I could hear the voices of some people and I heard someone say:" We cannot run away forever. How many times did we have to run away? Many, many times! Such beasts! They come and destroy our village! And every time we run away. But not this time! This time we are going to stay! It cannot go on like that forever".
I could feel fear and anxiety. They would have liked to run away as they had done so many times before. However, this time they had made up their minds and intended to stick to their firm resolve. However, they were all full of fear. Some voices said:" They eat meat! Imagine that! Meat! In addition, they build huge fires in the prairie. They dance around the fires and bathe in blood. However, what remains the worst: They eat meat. The very thought of it! In the end, they are going to eat our flesh, too."
A voice, a woman’s voice, who was sitting in her hut, kept saying again and again:" I am afraid. I am terribly afraid. Oh, how scared I am! I am scared, so scared".
I was able to feel distinctly her anxiety. Her fear grew stronger and stronger. She kept saying:" I am scared, I am scared". Her fear began to take hold of me. At first I thought: “Why is she so afraid? She must be hysterical. How on earth can you be so afraid?!" Nevertheless, I was being immersed, deeper and deeper, into her feelings of sheer fear. I could not stand it any longer! I thought to myself:” I wish she stopped worrying now.” It was extremely unpleasant indeed.
Suddenly everything was over, and the light said to me:" If they had done nothing, nothing would have happened. It is true; they would have come all the same. However, nothing would have happened. This, however, will again lead to further dead persons!" He was stressing the words - dead persons -and -again-. I felt great apprehension on the part of the light concerning the large number of dead people, so I asked "Again?" because I was of the opinion that I had watched the first human beings on Earth. The light answered, however:" Hundreds of thousands". I was amazed at this and I could feel how the light was suffering from the great number of dead people.
I am not quite sure about what happened next, but all of a sudden, I heard a thunderous, angry voice accusing mankind, including myself, of destroying his garden on Earth. He shouted:” I made you human beings a wonderful garden and you destroy everything. Human beings poison the water and the air. They destroy everything. At first, the effect of their work of destruction was limited. However, it got worse and worse. They destroy everything that that they can lay their hands on. Although Man is constantly looking for other places, he has only this one place (Earth). You could see for yourself. And if they continue to destroy everything they will blow up the whole Earth in the end!”
I was completely perplexed.-
After some time, the light said:” Ask me that you do not know how to inform your world.” I answered:” But you have just told me how to do it!” However, he insisted by saying:” Now you are again a little and ignorant child that does not know how to do it!”
So I asked him that, being a little and ignorant child, I would not know how to inform my world. To my great surprise, the light answered in an angry and brusque voice:” You will know how to do it when the time is right.”
However, I did not want to leave him forever. So I asked him if I could come back after having told my world and stay with him permanently. He said:” No, you have to go back and live.”
Although I still did not know my way back, this time I had no doubts whatsoever. If the being of light wanted me to go back and live, I simply had to. It did not matter any longer how it could be done. This light had absolute power.
Nevertheless, I could still not understand why. I repeatedly pleaded:” Why? Why can I not come back? Why?Why?Why? Why am I not allowed staying on in your very love and warmth?”
The light answered that no one could stay permanently with him.
However, I still was not satisfied. If it was not possible to stay with him, I surely could come back and stay in this bright world in which those two beings were already living! But the light repeated:” No, you have to go back and live!” “ But why have these two beings been allowed to stay?” The light answered that even these two beings could not stay on permanently. They were only in this world in order to learn. In addition, he began to emphasize the importance of love and learning. He wanted me to be his apprentice. He the master, I the apprentice. However, I still could not see what love and learning should have to do with my wish to stay on in this bright world.
I had, it was true, to admit that I did not love the light, but I certainly was willing to learn everything that he wanted me to learn.
On that, the light started, to my great dismay, to position himself further back in the sky, and I could not feel his presence any longer, because the beam had been switched off. I suddenly felt cold and very miserable.
However, one of the other beings asked me to watch a certain place very carefully. Indeed, they urgently asked me not to move but to fix my eyes on to that place. I did what I had been told to and presently I saw this panoramic review. Very vividly and distinctly. I was stupefied! The images of this film moved very rapidly, showing me my past life on Earth. I could instantly understand everything that was being shown to me. (I cannot remember any details, because this was only an experiment to test my ability whether I was able to really understand what I was watching.)
The beings asked me several times if I could clearly comprehend what was being shown. I answered impatiently:” Of course, of course!” because I was slightly annoyed about their questions.
(In communicating with the beings, I always used my mouth as I had done on Earth. This was not the case when I was talking with the being of light),
Thereupon the being of light started to show me my past life again, but this time the stress lay on the quality of my soul during my existence on Earth. When I was watching my past life the first time, I was just very happy to be able to watch my former world and myself. I regarded this actually more as an entertainment than anything else. (I did not feel miserable any longer).
However, the second time, former events of my life on Earth were shown with the emphasis on my reaction to certain situations in terms of love or nastiness or even hatred. This was made quite clear to me, and I knew what to look for during the second review.
Everything started from the beginning. (I could not see how I came into existence on Earth, because I only had to mind my behaviour with regard to love or hatred).
At first I was very satisfied that nothing was happening to which I could have reacted with either love or hatred. Then, the film speeded up, but there still was not anything for which I could have been made responsible. I was stupid enough to say triumphantly:”See, there is nothing!” On that, I could see a scene in which my twin sister and I were quarrelling (I could not make out the reason for the argument), but I instantly knew how ugly I had behaved. I said to the light:” But you must understand! This is bad, all right, but this is the way human beings behave on Earth! You cannot really blame me for that!” (The great light did not blame me for anything that I had done on Earth).
Then I was shown some more nasty scenes on Earth in which I had behaved badly. However, I still had excuses. Then, I think the great light became slightly impatient (at my stupidity, no doubt). Suddenly, the film was accelerated to such an extent that I was unable to distinguish any images at all. Then it stopped abruptly, and I was confronted with a situation in which I behaved extremely badly.
My behaviour was tremendously enhanced, so that every bad aspect of my character stood out clearly in front of me. It was horrifying! I could hardly believe this character of mine! I was finally convinced! Such a soul could never stay on in this bright world! I had no right, no claim whatsoever! I was completely shaken and dejected. I wanted to go back. Yes, there was really no other way possible.
Then I saw the light disappear into the “Sky”, and I heard a laughter and the words:” And he really thought he could stay on!” Then the being of light was gone.
One of the other beings brought me back to Earth (I do not know how). I only heard, while being tucked back into my body, a snapping sound like the sound that can be heard when you put the lid on top of a mess tin securing it with the catch.
When I opened my eyes, I remember starting to cry:” I do not want to die, I do not want to die, and I do not want to die!”
Then I picked myself up and in approaching the staircase, I wondered if there would ever be a way back, whereupon I heard a voice shout at me:” Amend yourself!” And another voice said:” You must kill your mother!” Then I climbed up the stairs down which I had been jumping so happily. I could only feel a minor swelling on the top of my head, which was not particularly painful.
End of report.
 I saw my mother in front of the kitchen stove cooking a meal